Being The Real YOU

Who am I? I once raised this question to myself. And then I realized that I was nearly in the verge of losing my identity trying to inculcate the characteristics of others to get the trademark of being popular.

The fact was that I was not able to put up with the enactment for long. Hidden inside me was the real ‘ME’ being
smothered under the peer pressure and my desire to be ‘loved by all’ person. Sometimes I even doubted if I had split personality.

Coming from a small town, I didn’t know the dining etiquette, demeanor and poise. So I always hesitated to go out for lunch with my friends fearing that I might make a fool of myself at the dining table and I always ordered roti items to avoid using the cutlery. One day I reached a point of enough is enough and admitted my shortcomings. There was no giggling or vituperation. Instead, my friends gave me tips on mastering the art of table manners.

It took me 20 long years to come out from the cocoon and spread my wings. To my astonishment, I was acknowledged ubiquitously. I soon realized that I was being heard and seen and that the feeling of ‘odd one out’ was just a delusion. I relied on books on positive living, success and happiness, and etiquette to build
self-confidence. It was a long and audacious journey with the crisscross roads of life mystifying the way to towards the destination.

I read somewhere that no one could hurt you or make you feel inferior unless you permit. So true! The phobia of being lonely is like venom. The effect gradually comes in and finishes you wholly. Before you even know, you would have slaughtered yourself and started a life anew. A life someone else has chosen for you… Or rather say, you have chosen to live for someone else and not for you. To be what you are, around all circumstance, can drain your energy. But it’s worth the effort taken. Life is like being inside a mirror-house where one finds oneself in unusual figures. Sometimes hideous, at times comical or even deformed. And finally there is one mirror in the corner somewhere that reflects the actual YOU.

I went through this chapter in my life and found myself. How about you???

-Chalked by Rashmi